What can I say about today’s guest blog? Well, it comes from Jonathan Gould, author of Doodling, and his amusing guest post takes a very different approach to what you may have read before. Over to you, Jonathan, and may I bid you a very warm welcome to The World According to Dave. Don’t forget to check out the links to Doodling at the end of the blog. Whoops! Sorry, Jonathan, don’t think I was supposed to tell them that was I? Thanks for a terrific post.
Five Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Buy My Book
When David invited me to make a guest post, I had to think a bit about what I actually wanted to say. After seeing the number of writers who are out there trying to plug their books, I figured that the last thing you want to read is another one of them. And that’s why today I’ve decided to take the opposite tack. This post will be a reverse-plug, a “gulp” if you like. I’m going to list out the top 5 reasons why you shouldn’t buy my book.
1. You’ve never heard of me
Who the hell is Jonathan Gould I hear you saying. I’m nobody. I’m not the least bit famous. I’m not an actor, or a supermodel or a sporting hero. And even worse, I’ve never been involved in any kind of financial scandal, or caught in a hotel room with someone who I definitely shouldn’t be with. So why on earth would you want to read anything by someone who lacks any of those kinds of authorly credentials?
2. It’s not about a boy wizard
Yes I know, it seems that all the most popular books these days are about boy wizards. So what was I thinking, trying to write a story that didn’t feature one? Call me crazy. I don’t know what came over me.
3. There are no vampires
Obviously if a book isn’t about a boy wizard, it at least has to have a bunch of vampires in it. Again I have to plead guilty. Vampires are not my favourite topic. To be honest, the whole bloodsucker thing makes me feel a bit squeamish. So no boy wizards and no vampires either.
4. It’s not part of a series
I’ve tried, really I have. I guess when it comes down to it, I just don’t have the attention span. When I get an idea for a story, it tends to come out short and sweet and complete. I’m not really into spinning things out and out and out. Once I’ve worked the idea to its natural length, I’m happy to move on. I know it’s a failing but what can I say?
5. It’s kind of silly
And not just slightly silly. We’re talking really silly. Like defying all the basic, natural rules of the world type silly. The characters are silly. The plot is silly. The basic premise is silly. It’s just utterly silly in all regards.
So there you have it. If you don’t want to read a story that’s written by nobody you’ve heard of, has no boy wizards or vampires, is not part of a series and is very silly, then please don’t go and buy my book.
Jonathan Gould is a Melbourne-based writer and doodler.
He calls his stories “dag-lit” because they’re the sort of stories that don’t easily fit into the standard genres. Some might think of them as comic fantasies, or modern fairytales for the young and the young-at-heart.
Over the years, his writing has been compared to Douglas Adams, Monty Python, A.A. Milne, Lewis Carroll, the Goons and even Enid Blyton (in a good way).
His book is available for you not to buy at:
And if you’re really committed, you can also choose not to view:
His blog: http://daglit.blogspot.com
His Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jonathan-Gould/147032725376330
You can also not follow him on Twitter: jonno_go